Unorthodox Hero
by xXThat-Other-HobbitxX
Summary: After escaping his imprisonment in Shrek's swamp, Rumpel encounters the curious Mew, as they set out to complete the highly-familiar task of rescuing a princess. Can the unscrupulous Stiltskin go from a villain at ground zero...to somebody else's hero? Lampoon of the first SHREK film, please review.
1. The Dwarf and the Legendary

**This wholesomely lampooned tale stems from 2010, when **_**Shrek Forever After **_**first came out in theaters, and I had gone to see it with a friend of mine. By far, it is my favorite **_**Shrek **_**film, and my eternally favorite character, villain or not, is Rumpelstiltskin.  
So after seeing the movie, me and my friend, being the idiots we are, came up with a variety of crazed adventures, starring Rumpel, and for some reason, the Legendary Pokemon Mew. There was an OC I had created in there too, and well, the rest is history.**

**Flash-forward to the present, where my younger cousins had me sit down and watch SFA all over again, and all the fun memories came back. I rewrote the tale as a lampoon of the original **_**Shrek **_**movie, and well, here we are. I hope you enjoy the foolishness.**

**I do not own the characters and locations in this parody. Mew is a copyright of Game Freak, Pokemon, and Nintendo, and I only own his human concept. Rumpelstiltskin belongs to the Brothers Grimm, DreamWorks Animations, and his voice actor, Walt Dohrn, and the King Monee is based on the greedy king from the original fairy tale, so therefore, I do not own him either. I only own Firena Crescent and her family.**

_Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a creature known as Mew, came into this world from his own, in search of new lands to explore and wander in. Almost immediately upon his arrival, people from all over became infatuated with his skills and power, and were hellbent on catching him, and making that power their own._

_But no matter how hard they tried, no matter what they used, Mew eluded them, and took off in a playful, flightful fancy, as though it was all a game to him. Which it was._

_To this day, people are still looking for Mew. But unbeknownst to them, someone had already "caught" him, an unorthodox person, who was about to embark on a quest that was unlike so many others, with Mew as his companion…_

The forest was quiet. Not even the stream rolled on with the sound of the small waves slapping against the rocks, nor did birds whistle their tunes up high in the treetops. The breeze barely blew past the ancient oaks, but made no sound.

Until something went by.  
Something pink.

To the untrained eye, it may have seemed like nothing. But to the locals, this was the tricky, playful, and yet powerful Mew.

He looked like a cat, light pink was the color of his soft-feeling fur, softer than even the finest silk. His eyes were wide and cute, a deep sky blue that seemed to sparkle when one looked hard enough. He floated almost gracefully through the air, his long tail sweeping behind him as he pranced along with the breeze, a smile on his small face: No one could ever catch him, especially not these people, who came with ropes and cages to hold him in. Yeah, like that was gonna work.

The sound of small footsteps resonated to Mew's ears, as he floated over to a tree, peering behind it and looking at the path in front of him, and the person walking along it.

It was a male, extremely short in stature, with pale skin and few freckles, tousled, wild red hair, and large aquamarine eyes that wandered to and fro.  
He was dressed strangely, with a dark red shirt underneath a brown vest and canary-yellow necktie, brown and green pants, and curly-toed, buckled shoes. He didn't seem to be interested in too much at the moment, probably wasn't one to search for Mew.

And that was exactly what interested Mew.

Leaving the relative safety of his tree, the small Legendary floated behind the fellow, and when he turned to see who was following him, he didn't see anything.

Until he looked forward again, and his eyes met Mew's face. And before Mew could say "boo" too!

Shrieking, the person stumbled backwards, tripping over his own two feet as he fell onto the ground, looking up at Mew with an expression of pure confusion. Raising one eyebrow, he asked gruffly, "What in Grimm's name are you?"  
"Mew," He giggled cheerfully, as the person on the ground groaned and got to his feet, brushing the dirt of his clothes. "Look, kitty, I don't have any tuna for you, so buzz off."  
"Aww, that's a shame," Mew sighed, but then quickly forgot about it and then asked, "Who're you?"  
The fellow looked back at him in some surprise, before spinning around grandly, announcing "RUMPELSTILTSKIN!"

"…Yeah…I'm just gonna call you, Rumpel, 'kay?" Mew shrugged, as Rumpel gave him an unamused look and continued walking. "So, where you headed?"  
"Duloc," Rumpel replied with a roll of his eyes. "I've got a bone to pick with their little king and whatnot."  
"Why?"  
"He took my house and is planning on using it for his own purposes, when ACTUALLY, even though I haven't lived in it for at least 3 months, I still own it!" He shouted, throwing his hands up into the air in exhaustion, nearly smacking Mew on accident. Dodging Rumpel's hand swiftly, Mew smiled and proclaimed, "I'll go with you!"

"Uh, no."  
"Why not?" Mew whined, his big blue eyes suddenly becoming wet with tears. "You know, I'll just follow you if you don't say yes!"

"Won't people go crazy if they see you?" Rumpel asked, as Mew shrugged his tiny shoulders, saying "It's okay, I can morph!"  
On that note, a bright flash of light engulfed Mew, and in his place stood a tall, light skinned guy with short, light pink hair and expressive blue eyes, dressed in a pink sweatjacket, jeans, and sneakers. Despite this, the ears and tail still protruded, but at least he looked a little more normal.  
"Fine," Rumpel groaned, rolling his eyes again as they continued to walk along the forest path.


	2. The Deal

**Fun fact for everyone: Monee (Aside from having a name based on the word "money") is based on the greedy king from the original **_**Rumpelstiltskin **_**fairy tale. Just thought I might throw that out there**

As they exited the forest and crossed a wide variety of fields, Mew did nothing but gab Rumpel's ear off about nearly everything under the stars. Already, the little creature was beginning to wear him down, and by the time they reached the Lancelot parking lot, Rumpel turned to the chattering Mew and asked, "Hey Mew, how about a nice, tall glass of shut the h-"

"Tall? How can you get me a tall glass of something when you're barely the height of a ten-year-old?" Mew asked, silencing Rumpel's threat and making his ears burn red-hot in anger and embarrassment. Mumbling something angry under his breath, the two entered Duloc, only to see the stores being emptied of small, red-dressed dolls.

"Guess those didn't sell very well, huh?" Mew commented, watching as they were carted away to a large burn pile. "Ah, they were made to represent Duloc's ex-king, who got eaten by a dragon some time back. They've got some new king now, Monee's the name."

Coming upon the audience of cheering onlookers, Mew and Rumpel gazed up to see a very large mirror hanging beneath the podium, where the King Monee stood before his people: Dark-haired and dark-eyed, Monee dressed finely, with a gold and velvet crown, spun silk for clothes, and had a variety of bejeweled rings decorating his fingers.

Silencing the crowd with his hand, he called out, "Greetings, my people! Your esteemed ruler has an announcement to make, being one that is highly important to all brave and healthy young lads living here. One princess, by the name of Firena, is imprisoned in a large castle just mere hours from here, awaiting rescue by a handsome knight, which is why I call upon you! The chosen man will don armor and march on to the castle and rescue Princess Firena, and bring her back here to Duloc in a timely fashion, so that I may marry her. If you can complete this task, you will be gifted with this, err…fine carriage that was discovered in the woods!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Rumpel shouted, cutting off the crowd's uproarious cheers as he and Mew stepped out in front of the group of men in front of them. "That is MY carriage, and you have absolutely no right to sell it off!"

"YOUR carriage?" Monee asked curiously, and seemed to be trying not to laugh at the smaller man before him. "Are you sure, dear boy?"  
"Okay, first off, I'm no boy, and two, my name is Rumpelstiltskin, and that is my emblem right on the roof!"  
"The 'R'?"  
"The R. For-"  
"Yes, I get it, Mr. Stiltskin," Monee groaned, as a smile curled onto his lips. "How about we make a little deal, hmm?"  
"I'M the one who makes the deals, pal," Rumpel growled, his eyes narrow.

"Well, then listen to this one: If you go and rescue the Princess Firena from her prison and return her here, I am more than willing to give you your carriage back."  
"With everything in it? My magic ink, my contracts, everything?"  
"Even those little pictures you keep under your pillow."  
"What pictures?" Mew asked, glancing over at the blushing Rumpel, who replied, "Save a princess, I get it all back."  
"Do we have a deal?" Monee inquired, as Rumpel smiled, saying "Deal."


	3. Fire and Ice

**Probably the longest chapter here, folks. Be warned.**

"So why are you so short?" Mew asked, as the two trekked through the sunflower fields, Rumpel trying to hurry as fast as possible to wherever the castle was stationed, just to get the quest over and done with. Glancing back at Mew sharply, he replied, "I'm a dwarf. We're supposed to be small."  
"Oh. Well then, why don't you have a beard?"  
"It's a long, tedious story. Best left unsaid."  
"Fine, fine, don't tell me," Mew sighed, pouting as he stretched a little bit as Rumpel crawled between two extremely tall stalks and kept on going, at least until nightfall, when he and Mew rested for a few fleeting hours, until rising later than expected and hauling themselves out to a rather large and foreboding-looking mountain.

As they continued up the rocky side, Mew kept asking Rumpel a variety of random questions, primarily because Mew was bored, and Rumpel was fun to torment.

"Ever have a girlfriend?"  
"No."  
"Ever get drunk and pass out in the bathroom?"  
"Funny story actually: I got so PO'd at a certain ogre we're not going to mention by name so much that I downed 4 glasses of vodka and went to the bathroom, and, as a result, passed out. Don't tell anybody else."

"Ooh, somebody's secretive," Mew giggled, as they slid down the next side and finally got a good look at the castle before them: Immense in size and shape, the castle looked extremely weathered from the off-on sprinkles that happened here and there. Beneath it was not a classical moat full of crocs, not a river of lava, but really, frozen-over water. You could even see the dead fish that had frozen near the bottom.

"Okay, I'm not walking over that bridge," Rumpel said hesitantly, taking a cautious step back before saying, "Mew, carry me."  
"Why?"

"Because I'm not walking over a rotten-wood bridge over a lake of ice and risk falling to my doom, just no. And besides, you can carry me! I'm light as a feather!"

20 minutes later, Mew, after being bribed within an inch of his life, lifted Rumpel up by the arms and carried him across the bridge, but would occasionally pretend to slip his grip from the dwarf a little, just to freak him out .

Once they got past the bridge and entered the castle, Mew suddenly thought of something, and tapped Rumpel's shoulder in order to ask.

"Do you even know what this princess looks like?" He asked, and Rumpel shrugged nonchalantly, saying, "Like a princess, I guess."  
"Do you know where she's being held?"  
"Probably in the tallest parapet around, why?"  
"Well," Mew mumbled, as they continued to walk quietly along the abandoned stone grounds. "What if you enter the wrong tower, and something else is waiting for you? Like a trap or test to make sure you're worthy to save her."  
"C'mon," Rumpel groaned, rolling his aquamarine eyes at the humanoid Pokemon, who waited expectantly for an answer. "You really think that would happen?"  
"Yes."  
"Well then," Rumpel sighed, pausing in front of a pile of miscellaneous armor. "Since you're so concerned for my safety, I'll wear armor and carry something for protection."  
Bending down and grabbing some knee and elbow pads and a helmet small enough to fit, Rumpel placed those on, as Mew grabbed a small sword and a wooden shield with a cross painted on it. Handing them to Rumpel, he seemed to be expecting something.

"What?"  
"When you get a sword, you're supposed to lift it up in the air for extra coolness."  
Rumpel raised an eyebrow from behind the helmet, but did so:  
*DO-DO-DODO-DO!*

"What was that?"

Mew shrugged, and then turned and started walking away, saying "Have fun climbing the tower. As for me, I'm gonna go see about those little fishes in the water!"  
Rolling his eyes once more, Rumpel went the other way, and entered a large, open courtyard, with the tower right in front of him. He blinked at how easy this was, but just as he was about to step out…

"RUMPEL!" Mew called, dashing towards him before jumping off the ground and flying faster. "WHAT? IS IT A DRAGON?"  
"NO!" Mew shouted back, trying to go faster. "IT'S A JABBERWOCKY!"

Jabberwocky: According to mythology, they were the spawn of dragons and hydras, having gigantic bodies with massive wingspans, and long necks that traced to an angular head, with keen eyes and razor sharp teeth, and a poisonous tongue to boot. Clearly, Mew had incited some sort of rage from this one, and now, he and Rumpel were going to pay the price.

Dashing away from the figure of the monster, Rumpel immediately went to the tower, calling for Mew to keep the Jabberwocky busy. Mew didn't reply, but the deal-making dwarf figured he'd be fine.

As Rumpel trekked up the winding staircase, Mew had made it into the once-great hall, the Jabberwocky right on his long tail. Backed into the corner, Mew feigned fear for a moment, but then smirked, saying, "You're not the only big guy here!"  
Using "Me First", Mew quickly went from his true form, and right into Palkia, and from then on engaged in a classic Pokemon-esque battle with the Jabberwocky, who spat both fire and ice!

While the battle raged on down below, Rumpel had at last reached the top, and found the door he figured led to the princess's chambers. However, there were dozen upon dozens of locks on the door, plus at least 3 sheets of ice layered over it.

_What's with all the ice? _Rumpel thought to himself, before holding his shield up and running towards the door, knocking down a few bits of ice onto his back, making him squeal sharply, but keep ramming the door until it finally opened up.

Entering the chilled room, Rumpel saw the princess lying on the bed, a bouquet of sunflowers in her hands as she rested peacefully, almost as though she were sleeping. Her long red tresses were let down past her shoulders, with a small tiara resting around her head like a band. She was very pale, and fairly tall, and garbed in a long orange and brown dress, with dark gloves on her hands.

Groaning inwardly, Rumpel walked over to the princess, and, very cautiously, poked her arm. "Hey, wake up," He hissed, poking her again.

"Hmm?" She mumbled, opening her eyes to reveal their color, a deep royal blue shade that seemed to darker her facial features. She looked over at the dwarf, who asked, "Are you Princess Firena?"  
"Yes," She smiled, placing the sunflowers down and standing up to her full height, obviously taller than Rumpel. "I've waited so long for someone to rescue me, and now you're here. Thine deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt."  
"Uh, yeah, thank you, now uh, we gotta get outta here," Rumpel shrugged, heading for the door, Firena following curiously. "Um, okay, but don't I at least get to know who you are first?"  
"…Rumpel," He said finally, thinking to himself, _Oh yeah, Rumpel. That's a real knightly name._

"Sir Rumpel," She smiled, despite his thoughts. "I thank you for rescuing me, which is why I pray that you will take this favor, as a token of my gratitude." She then handed him a handkerchief. Did all princesses do this? He shrugged it off, thanked her, and had just pocketed it when a screeching roar startled the two of them, and made Firena turn to Rumpel and cry, "You didn't slay the dragon yet?"  
"It's not a dragon, it's a jabberwocky, and my friend is taking care of it!" Rumpel retorted, yanking her arm and dashing along, her following closely behind. "Your friend?!" She asked, in surprise, as they rounded the corner and dashed across the courtyard, in search of the wayward Pokemon. "Why'd you bring a friend?"

"I ask myself that question every hour I'm with him!" He replied, as Mew, back in his human form, skittered around the corner with a huge grin on his face. "Yo, Rumpel! Oh, is this the princess? Sweet!"  
"You get rid of that thing yet?" Rumpel sighed, as Mew nodded happily, saying, "Yup! It's fried up and never gonna bother us again!"

"Uh, Mew? Did you say you lit it on fire?"

"Yeah. I finally decided to became Charizard, and-"  
"Don't you remember that it also has ice abilities?"

"Oh," Mew mumbled, as another roar pierced the air, and the sounds of stamping feet getting closer and closer. Natural fear embodied the three, as they all took off in a dash, the Jabberwocky barreling out from behind a stone wall and making every attempt to crush Rumpel and Mew, and return Firena to her tower.

Seeing the bridge up ahead, Mew gained flight and grabbed Firena, who then grabbed Rumpel, and they quickly made their way across the bridge, the Jabberwocky stopping hard in its tracks in the doorway, knowing that it could not leave its sanctuary without permission from those who had imprisoned it there.

While the Jabberwocky screeched and raged around in the castle behind them, Firena, once Mew had set them all back down on the ground, cheered and danced happily, excited about her release from her prison. Seeing Mew and Rumpel there, she gratefully hugged both of them, but particularly Rumpel, saying, "My knight in shining armor."

Mew could see the blush beneath the helmet as Rumpel gave a weak smile, saying, "Uh, yeah, well, not entirely, but you know, I'm just doing this…you know…"  
"Well, come on," She smiled happily. "Take of that helmet, so I can see your face, Sir Rumpel."  
"SIR Rumpel? Oh, WOW," Mew chortled, as Rumpel took a step back, hands out defensively as he replied, "Uh, nah, I'd like to keep it on, thanks."  
"Oh, come on, there's nothing to be ashamed of."  
"Yeah, maybe, but you just don't wanna do that."  
"Please, let me see your face."  
"Not gonna happen."

Before things got ugly, Mew, as quietly as possible, snuck up from behind, grabbed the helmet, and yanked it off Rumpel's head, revealing his surprised face to Firena, who paused, blinking, and then mumbled, "I thought there was a reason you were so short…"  
"Oh, who cares," Rumpel groaned, throwing off the arm and leg pads and tossing away the sword and shield. "It's not like we're getting married or something."

"What?"

"Mew here and I were sent to get you out by King Monee, primarily because he stole my home and is dangling it above me as bait to come rescue you. Don't ask why he did it, and why he couldn't just do it himself, but hey, it isn't a picnic for me either."  
"Well, great," She sighed, facepalming almost unconsciously. "I get rescued all for a single house."  
"Hey!" Rumpel snapped, his ears burning red now. "It's a special carriage to me: I live and work there, and its already been talked down enough these last couple days. Now, I suggest we get a move on and head back to Duloc before it gets torched or something."

"But-" Firena protested.

"Hey, if you don't wanna come along, that's fine: I'm sure the Jabberwocky's VERY lonely back up there in the castle," Rumpel shrugged, Mew following him closely behind. Hearing the creature's angry wails, Firena growled, and caught up with them.


	4. Rumpel's Tale

Hours rolled on by as the trio continued through the forest, Rumpel leading the pack in silence, while Firena and Mew talked in back, which was just fine, seeing as Rumpel had no interest in talking, at least until he stopped them all and took a look over at the setting sun.

"We should stop and make camp for tonight," He yawned, stretching a little bit for a moment before adding, "I think I see a cave over there we can sleep in for tonight."  
"A little kinky, eh Rumpel?" Mew chuckled, as they resumed walking. Said dwarf shot him a questioned look, as if to ask what he meant.

"I mean, c'mon, two guys sleeping with a princess? That just doesn't sound right."  
"Only because you MAKE it not sound right."

"Well, still, it's not right."

"Look, she can just sleep in the cave, and WE'LL sleep out by it, okay, Cat-Boy?" He snapped with a low growl, still walking with a kick of his heels. Mew rolled his eyes to Firena, as they moved on to catch up with Rumpel.

The sky went dark very fast that evening, and the moon gazed out over the two as the small campfire crackled warmly, illuminated Rumpel's face as he gazed up at the moon and stars, exhausted from the whole day. Firena was probably already asleep in her cave, and Mew was still awake, tossing and turning occasionally, unable to get comfortable on the ground. Suddenly, he turned to face his friend, and asked, "Could you answer a question that I asked you previously, but wouldn't answer then?"  
"Depends on what it is." Rumpel replied, throwing one leg over the other and continuing to look up into the sky.  
"You're a dwarf, but you don't have a beard. You live in an egg-shaped carriage, and make a living by ripping people off. Your only friend was a mutant goose, and, apparently, she was blown up. What the heck is it all about?"

Silence.

"You wanna know?" Rumpel asked softly, his eyes suddenly going sad. Mew nodded curiously, awaiting an answer.

"I'll tell you," He added, sitting up suddenly, but still looking at the moon, almost longingly.

"My dad was a dwarf, and my mother was a human, and I'll tell you now, that was absolutely frowned on back home. It was unheard of, really, which is why I'm such an outcast: All dwarves have beards-"  
"Even the girls?" Mew asked incredulously, and Rumpel nodded. "Even the girls. But, since I was half-human, all I got were some sideburns and the occasional stubble. I was the laughingstock of the whole village, and I wasn't allowed to really do anything, seeing as all the adults and other kids thought that if I touched them, they'd lose their beards, and no one wanted to risk that. My father was disappointed, to say the least, and so, ashamed of his love for my mother, left her and I when I was about 7. My mother left weeks afterwards, and sometimes I think it was my fault that she abandoned me."

Mew swallowed hard as Rumpel went on.

"From the time I was 7, and until I was old enough to leave, I was raised by my father's brother, my uncle, whom I was in fact named after."  
"Is he the one who spins the straw into gold?"

"Yup. He taught me everything he knew about the art of dealmaking, and how to get anything you wanted, all with a little charm, a sleight of hand, and a promise. Of course, while he made deals with a simple handshake, I decided to be a little more serious about the whole thing, which led me to start making contracts, and when I was old enough, I loaded all of my stuff into a cart, and went on my way."  
"What about your carriage? And that goose?" Mew asked, and Rumpel shrugged once more, replying, "The carriage came after Fifi, who I found by a riverside, when I stopped for a quick bath. Business wasn't really booming at that time, but still, I was optimistic, and pretty naïve back then. But I digress. So I was by the water when I found her there, small as could be, wandering around like a chicken with their head cut off. You ever hear the story about the ugly duckling?"  
"Uh-huh."

"Fifi was an ugly gosling, abandoned by her mother just based on her appearance. She wasn't too keen on being friendly with me, nearly took my fingers off with her teeth, but when she realized that we were one in the same, I guess I became a surrogate parent for her."

Mew was agape by this. "And how small was she, when you found her?"  
"She fit in the palms of my hands, but by the time my carriage had been completed, she was big enough to be held in my arms. I did wonder how she grew so fast, but a witch told me it was because of my 'love' for her. Okay, maybe. I still think it was that wild hog we caught did something to her, because that thing was big enough to feed the two of us for 3 weeks!"

"And the carriage? Why is it in the shape of an egg?"  
"For Fifi, and myself," Rumpel sighed, losing his somewhat happy composure about the memories of his beloved pet. "We were born misfits, and we so badly wanted to be back where we came from: Her, in an egg, me, in my mom's womb. But we couldn't actually do that, so we had to make do with a carriage. I kept it at a certain temperature for the both of us, the sake of comfort."  
Rumpel blinked, and Mew could swear a very tiny, barely noticeable tear had fallen.

"A lot of people think I'm a terrible person, just because of the deals I make. I rob people of their happily ever afters, just to make my life better, but it's only because I've never had a happily ever after."

And on that note, Rumpel slumped down in his spot, tired from his story. Mew was quiet, for one moment, but then smiled and said, "You'll find one sometime, I'll bet."  
"Shut up, Mew, and go to sleep…"

And as Rumpel and Mew fell asleep, little did they know that there was someone else watching and listening to Rumpel's tale…


	5. A Burning Truth

Morning came quicker than expected, and quicker than wanted by Rumpel, who was unceremoniously awoken by both the sun and Mew, who was shaking his shoulders, telling him that breakfast was awaiting them. Slowly prying his eyes open, he glanced around until his eyes fell upon Firena, who was cooking eggs and sausage over the fire from last night. Rubbing his sore back, Rumpel asked slowly, "What's with breakfast?"

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday, so I went out and found us all some food," She smiled, taking 2 leaves and placing the food on them, before handing them to her companions. Rumpel wanted to ask how she got the fire started up again that fast, but shrugged it off and looked at his food hungrily: What was the last thing he ate? Some berries and nuts Mew had scavenged from the woods?

"Eat now, we'll probably not find more food until later," Firena called, looking out at their path ahead, and as soon as she looked away, Rumpel and Mew quickly scarfed down their breakfast as fast as their bodies would permit.

After breakfast was over, they kept on their path, talking about a variety of subjects, until Mew asked, "So, Rumpel, what'cha gonna do when you get your carriage back?"  
"Oh, probably find another town to park myself in, stay for a little while, make a few deals, and move on. Simple as that."  
"So you're a dealmaker?" Firena asked curiously. "What kind of deals?"  
"Oh, any deal will do," He grinned mischievously, a devilish glow in his sea-green eyes. "Anything you want, anything you need, be a prince or a pauper, your happiness is an inkblot away."

Firena looked as though she wanted to ask more, but restrained herself from doing so as they kept going.

Time ticked away as the trio moved along, but not without the occasional stop here and there, from a field of flowers, where Mew chased various bugs (Like a cat, of course), a stream full of very small fish, to the treetops, where everything seemed beautiful and peaceful, like there was nothing wrong with the world.

The hour grew late as they halted on a hill near an aging mill overlooking the city of Duloc. They knew it would take forever to get down there, so they decided to rest at the mill for the night, and reach Duloc in the morning. But for the moment, they stood, looking out on the city, and all the small cottages surrounding the massive capital building. Mew glanced away for a moment, bored, and happened to see Rumpel's and Firena's hands inch slowly towards each other, but then quickly move away when Mew blinked.

"Uh, I'm gonna go find some firewood, m'kay?" The Legendary Pokemon spoke up suddenly, breaking the silence as he began to step away, moving towards the small patch of trees near the mill. Rumpel gave the OK, and Mew scurried off into the thicket. Glancing back at Firena, Rumpel raised an eyebrow, asking, "You okay, Princess? You look a little warm."  
"I-It's nothing, really, I'm fine," She blushed, touching her shoulder softly as Rumpel added, "I could get you some water, if you want, I was just gonna go and find some food for us, but I can get you some water or something too, if you'd like…"  
"No, it's okay, I'll be fine, but thank you," She smiled, as he nodded softly and went off in search of dinner.

After dinner, Firena felt tired, and therefore went into the mill to rest, leaving Rumpel and Mew outside once more. While Mew rolled in the cool grass a little bit, he kept glancing back and forth between the darkened mill and the quiet Rumpel, who was studying a small handful of flowers he held: Daisies, lavenders, and daffodils. Was he gonna take those to Firena or something?

Enough was enough, it was time to see what was up with these two: Rumpel wasn't obviously gonna talk, so he might as well go speak with Firena, see if she would spill the beans.

Quietly entering the mill, an intense array of heat struck Mew, in high contrast of the cool summer breeze outside. Calling out her name, Mew followed the bright light that illuminated the corner of the mill, and finally found the princess, a rag in hand, dabbing at some sort of glowing mark on her shoulder.

"Princess!" He cried, as Firena looked up and shushed him. Dropping his voice down, he asked, "Are you hurt?"  
"No…" She mumbled, pulling the rag away, and Mew got a better look at the mark: It was dark red, but edged with gold and orange, glowing white-hot, and in the shape of the sun.

"Wha…"

"It's time you knew the truth, Mew," She sighed, placing her rag back into a bucket of cool rainwater and adjusting her dress to cover the mark. Sighing, she began:  
"I'm not really…a princess. I'm Firena Crescent, a miller's daughter from Duloc. The Crescent family is famous for their elemental abilities, which explains my birthmark, as I can control and harness the powers of the sun. My sisters have similar abilities."  
"You have sisters?" Mew asked incredulously, as she nodded. "My older sister, Lunaria, she can control the lunar cycle and has a moon on her hip, hence her name, and my younger sister, Starina, is responsible for the constellations of the night sky, and has a star-like mark on her cheek. They know their powers well, and can control them. Me, on the other hand…I can't do anything, I don't know how to work with them."

"What'd you mean?"

"…My parents…thought I was born without powers, as they weren't as apparent as my sisters were. But as I grew older, and the mark became visible, I lost control, and as a result, burned everything I touched. I burned my blankets, paper, utensils, but the worst was when I burned down a whole corn crop by accident. That's why I wear gloves for the protection of others, but no matter what, I was a misfit, a freak of nature, so only naturally, my parents sent me away to that tower. I wasn't there to be rescued, I was meant to stay there forever."

A shock wave resonated through Mew's body as he asked, "Then why'd you say you were a princess?"  
"I'd been there since I was 12, and the only entertainment I had was a big book of princess stories, stories about girls in my situation, who were locked away in towers and beset by dragons, and then rescued by brave, handsome knights in shining armor, who whisk them off their feet and save them, and they go and live happily ever after. I thought that if I was a princess, a hero could save me too. So I took some discarded metal from my room and melted it down and molded it into a little tiara, so I'd look the part. I'm sorry that I lied to you and Rumpel, I just wanted to get out of there!"

"It's okay, it's okay, but now that you're back home in Duloc, and about to marry the king, what're you gonna do when he finds out you're not really a princess?" Mew asked, and Firena sighed, a few tears falling from her eyes as she replied, "I'll just have to do my best."

Silence filled the room for a moment, until a thought crossed Mew's brain, and he spoke up, saying, "You know…Rumpel…really does like you."

"He does?" She asked, and he nodded knowingly. "Yup. He's blown over by you, just knocked off his feet. Maybe if all this doesn't work out with Monee, you could go be with Rumpel!"  
"Oh, no, Mew, that'd be a mess, wouldn't it? I'm sure he doesn't like me in that way," She blushed, as Mew put on his cutest face, asking, "Would I ever lie to you? And why don'tcha go out and ask him for yourself?"

"I…I will!" She smiled, jumping to her feet and hugging Mew gratefully. "I'll go and tell him everything, and-and!" She cheered, and then rushed out the door, Mew trailing behind excitedly.

The sun had already risen over the treetops, and just over the distance, the sound of royal trumpets boomed out loud, stopping the two in their tracks as a group of knights mounted on noble white steeds came up the hill, Monee, in his most regal outfit, leading the pack. Near the flowers, Rumpel awoke and groggily got to his feet and stumbled over to Monee, who handed him the deed to his carriage back.  
"We saw the campfire last night, and made preparations to come here and see if it was you, as it was. Ah, and there is my queen-to-be too!"

Tossing the deed into Rumpel's sleepy face, Monee dismounted his horse and immediately started to swoon over Firena, kissing her hand and introducing himself, and then scooting her over to his horse.

"Come along now, my queen, we need to prepare for our wedding tomorrow! Good-bye, Mr. Stiltskin, pleasure doing business with you, your carriage is parked at the bottom of the hill." He cried, heading off, Firena with him, leaving Mew agape and Rumpel dumbfounded, still waking up.

Suddenly, Rumpel sighed, shrugged, folded up the deed, and walked away, mumbling something only Mew's ears could pick up:

_So long, Mew…my friend…_

**The flowers Rumpel picked have a certain symbolism for each: Daisies represent strength, which Mew possess, and Rumpel thought he didn't have, daffodils mean beauty, which in turn represents Firena, a beautiful oracle, and lavender for protection, something Firena needs.**


	6. Drunken Laments

Mew felt uncomfortable, now that he was alone again: He was so used to having Rumpel to talk to, so accustomed to the dwarf's child-sized feet pattering against the dirt road beside him, it was almost eerie to float along the forest lane by his lonesome. He was just wandering around the areas near Duloc, but after a few hours of it all, he decided to head into the city and do a little check-in on the king and his bride-to-be.

Finding Monee's room wasn't hard at all, as it was the one room with such fancy curtains, how could it not be the king's room? Turning back into his true form, Mew peered uneasily inside, only to see Monee, pacing around in grim delight, cackling almost insanely as he proclaimed, "Once I marry you, my darling little Firena, I will have your ENTIRE inheritance, all of your royal money shall be MINE!"  
Mew gasped, and his shock quickly switched to anger: All Monee was after was cash! No actual love or anything, just cold, hard money! And if Firena wasn't a true princess, that meant she didn't have any money to give, and then what would happen to her?

Mew didn't want to think about it, and instant fear rolled through his spine as he exited the window and soared around the surrounding areas, in search of his friend: He could help, couldn't he?

It took all night and a good portion of the day, but at last, the Legendary spotted Rumpel's egg-shaped carriage in the midst of a forest clearing, sitting there in plain sight. Getting down and switching back into his human form, Mew slammed his fists and palms against the door, shouting, "RUMPELSTILTSKIN! I'VE GOTTA TALK TO YOU!"

The door swung open, and there stood Rumpel, an absolute mess at the moment: His unruly ruby hair was more unkempt than usual, dark circles hung beneath his eyes, along with them looking red from what Mew guessed was excessive crying, plus his red nose.

"Wha…" He slurred, as Mew raised an eyebrow, asking, "Are you drunk?"

"No," He hiccupped, letting Mew into the carriage and reaching for the half-empty bottle of Peppermint Schnapps. "Just having a little liquid libation to ease the frustration…"

"Well, listen!" Mew snapped, yanking the bottle out of Rumpel's hand and tossing it out the window. When Rumpel reached out for it, Mew yanked the dwarf back and gave him a couple slaps to the face to roust him out of his drunkenness. "Monee doesn't love Firena, he just loves her non-existent money! She's not a princess, and if Monee finds that out, well, let's just say that you won't see Firena again!"  
"Wha-….What have I done, Mew?" Rumpel asked softly, as Mew let go of him, and he went to the sink, turning on the faucet to splash his face with cold water. Shutting it off, he mumbled, "I let her go with that money-grubbing, greedy jerk, and now, I can't do anything about it!"

"Yes, you can!" Mew shouted, shaking his shoulders like crazy. "She does like you in that way, and we can get to the wedding before they say 'I do'!"

"How?" Rumpel cried, throwing his arms up into the air. "I don't have anything to move my carriage, and Duloc is hours away!"  
"Oh, Rumpel, you're so forgetful " Mew grinned, grabbing Rumpel's arm and snapping his fingers, and in one single instant, they had arrived outside of Duloc.

"How-"

"Teleport. One of the many perks of being a Legendary Pokemon," Mew grinned, as Rumpel chuckled, but then paused at a garden of flowers, and yet again, grabbed daisies, lavender, and daffodils.  
"What are you gonna do with those?" Mew asked, as Rumpel took off towards the church. "I read it in a book once!" He called back. The Pokemon watched as the dwarf kept on running, running right into the church…

**Anybody catch Rumpel's line from the movie? If you did, free cookie!^^**


	7. A Cold Heart Melted

"**I OBJECT TO THIS UNION!" **Rumpel shouted, throwing open the doors to the church and dashing down the altar, now running on fumes as he came up to where Firena, Monee, and the priest stood.

"On what grounds do you object to this union of holy matrimony between King Monee and Princess Firena?" The priest asked, raising one fuzzy, white eyebrow.

"Well, um," He blushed, still clutching the flowers in his now-sweating palms. Finally, he put his foot down, sighed, and said, "Monee doesn't want to marry you for any other reason, Firena, he just wants money. He's a greedy, selfish man, not unlike myself at one time or another. I may be a devious person, who makes unscrupulous deals with people and alter fates, but the only fates I wish to alter right now is yours and mine, Firena."

With that being said, Rumpel assumed a very classic fairy-tale position: On one knee, one hand over his heart, and the other holding out the flowers he picked outside. "Please," He said, still breathing hard from running. "Please be my happily ever after."

Before Firena could even respond, the cruel chortles came from Monee, which turned in a deep, mocking cackle, throwing his head back as he continued to laugh, and then began to slowly advance on Rumpel. "Oh, Mr. Stiltskin, you are truly a sad little man: What kind of smart, beautiful young woman like Firena would EVER fall in love with a black-hearted, self-centered shorty such as yourself? You accuse ME of being greedy? No, you are the one who is greedy, you narcissistic little twerp! Now, get out of this church, or I'll-"

"You'll WHAT?" Firena asked, touching his shoulder, her eyes glowering in all hatred and rage. Turning to face her, Monee growled, "Stay out of this, this is not your fight."

"Oh, yes it IS!" She shouted, and almost in the blink of an eye, a huge fireball engulfed her, surrounding her and radiating heat and anger all around the room. The priest made a cross before exiting in a hurry, and Rumpel backed off into the corner as Firena grabbed Monee, and slowly and painfully began to burn him.

"**ICE PUNCH!"**

The cheerful, determined voice of Mew broke through, blasting through the church window and shattering it as his fist connected with Monee's face, freezing him in an instant. Seeing the enemy in a block of ice held a significant comfort to Firena, who then began to calm down, the flames slowly getting smaller, but still making an orange outline around her. Mew then proceeded to nudge his friend along, who very gingerly came over to her as she sat on her knees, now at his height.

"Rumpel?" She asked, her head down. "Yes?" He replied, as she looked up into his face, tears streaming down and creating small pockets of steam as they came in contact with the fire.

"Did you mean all of that, what you said?"  
"Of course," He smiled, and then reached down to take her hands in his. Pausing, he then removed the gloves that constantly rested over her hands, and despite the burning, held them close. Smiling comfortingly, they moved closer, until at last, their lips met in a passionate kiss.

As soon as this happened, the fire outlining Firena changed color, from the standard orange, to a deep, cool blue, and then back to flames. Parting for the moment, the priest then reentered, asking, "Are you two ready to proceed with the ceremony, despite having already kissed?"

Rumpel looked at Firena, who nodded, and he did too.


	8. A Far, Far Away Honeymoon

It was a quick ceremony, probably the most unorthodox wedding in Duloc history, but no one really seemed to care, all they wanted was to have Monee thrown out, and for Rumpel and Firena to be happily married. It happened, of course, what fairy tale doesn't end without a wedding?

Monee, once he was thawed out from Mew's Ice Punch, was promptly thrown out of the kingdom and told never to return again. He seemed very disgruntled about this, and swore he'd come back, but really, it probably wouldn't happen.

And once the ceremony was over and the newlyweds had exited the church in a flurry of cheers and well-wishing, they found Mew, standing beside Rumpel's carriage.

"I brought it out here while you were having your li'l showdown, you know, before I heard you were failing miserably and needed my help," He explained, as Rumpel rolled his eyes at him once more. "Oh, and there's a gift waiting inside for ya too."  
"Really?" The dwarf asked, before opening the door and entering. 5 seconds later, he started screaming excitedly and opened up the door, carrying a goose almost as big as himself, albeit with strange teeth and wide eyes.

"HOW DID YOU FIND ANOTHER ONE LIKE MY FIFI?" Rumpel cheered, petting down the goose's soft lovingly as Mew shrugged, saying, "Let's just say that I'm awesome and leave it at that."  
"Thank you, Mew," Firena giggled, as Rumpel hitched up, ahem, "Fifi 2" to the carriage and calling for Firena. Following after her husband, the two waved to Mew as Fifi took off down the road, probably headed out for Far, Far Away for their honeymoon.

But that's a different story.

_And now, say it with me folks:_

**AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!**

_~The End~_


End file.
